Two plus two equals . . . five?

I had a brief conversation with my NY doctor this morning. It was good to hear his voice. But he didn’t provide the comfort I was seeking. You see, I was holding out hope that he would say that this thing in my heart was some sort of an apparition, a figment of the local cardiologist’s hyperactive imagination, a hallucination of unprecedented medical scope. I mean let’s be honest here – did anybody else notice that it looks a lot like the profiles of Abraham Lincoln and/or FDR on a penny and/or a dime? That is until it dips downward – then it looks like a giraffe, complete with horns. Seriously – take another look at the video. Anyway, I was hoping that he would have an explanation that would allow me to place this squarely in the cosmic joke category. But this is how that part of the conversation went:

Paul: Did you see the echocardiogram?
Doctor: Yes I did.
Paul: Do you think this is related to my previous tumors?
Doctor: I suspect that it is.

And there you have it. A perfect set up for a great joke, ruined. No punch line. Ouch.

He did provide an enthusiastic endorsement for one of the new doctor’s that I will soon be conferring with, but that was little consolation compared with what I was looking for. So time to regroup, to reassess what I know about where I am.

Seven years ago, when the cancer returned, my NY doctor assured me that it was not a metastatic spread; it had been too long since the resection of the first tumor, and with no local recurrence at that original location it was determined that Tumor #2 could not have been the result of Tumor #1. Rather, whatever had caused the first tumor (and nobody has the answer to that) had also caused the second one seven years later.

I suppose the same logic can be applied this time around. Full body scans two years ago (five years after resection of Tumor #2 and twelve years after the resection of Tumor #1) revealed me to be cancer free, including at the two original sites. A metastatic spread to my heart from either original tumor would have manifested itself long ago. So related . . . but not related. I think I’ll need to confer with a Zen master to unravel this puzzle.

“Before you study Zen, a bowl is a bowl and tea is tea. While you are studying zen, a bowl is no longer a bowl and tea is no longer tea. After you’ve studied Zen, a bowl is again a bowl and tea is tea.” – Zen saying

Kind of like cancer.