Warning: Don’t Try This At Home.

Okay, so what was I doing last week that was more important than keeping up with the blog? A liver flush. I had never heard of this process prior to this journey (which has now officially transitioned to more of an odyssey), so I presume that some of you may also be unfamiliar with such procedures. Allow me to shed some light on this well-kept secret.

For the first four days you drink apple juice laced with phosphoric acid. On the fifth day you take acid calcium with meals and drink Epsom salts dissolved in warm water (almost as horrible tasting as Chinese tea decoctions). Then you eat a dinner consisting of heavy cream and fruit. And more acid calcium, of course. Thirty minutes before bedtime you drink bentonite liquid. At bedtime you drink a ½ cup of olive oil (this made me puke). Here’s my doctor’s explanation of this process:

“First, the ortho-phosphoric acid helps remove calcium and lipids (fats) from arteries, and normalizes cholesterol metabolism. The phosphoric acid, working with malic acid found in apple juice, also dissolves and softens gallstones in the gallbladder. The magnesium in the Epsom salts relaxes the sphincter of the gallbladder and bile ducts, allowing for easy passage of the softened, shrunken stones. Finally, the cream and the oil cause a strong contraction of the gallbladder and liver, forcing out stored wastes, bile, and stones, which easily pass into the small intestine. These wastes and stones are then excreted. We have found that the liver flush is a simple way of removing the gallstones without surgery, while at the same time lowering cholesterol levels and improving liver function.”

Simple, maybe, but I was nauseated for the next few days. But numerous little green stones were definitely excreted. I don’t know if this cures cancer, but it certainly is a pretty cool parlor trick . . .