Flat Foot.

So I swung by my doctor’s office at 5PM yesterday to pick up the “Doctor’s Statement of Physical Examination”. This document is required in order to obtain “MEDEX” insurance which the US government obtains on the contractor’s behalf to ensure that airlift is available in the event of medical emergencies. Of course, the Statement is used by the insurance underwriter to make sure that there’s no chance that they will have to provide the service that is being insured. Hence, my apprehension regarding what would be on the Statement and how the underwriter feels about extraneous golf balls in the heart . . .

The form is surprisingly short – so you would think it would focus exclusively on important matters that might lead to medical emergencies. So imagine my surprise that it probes into serious medical issues such as “Is flat foot present?” Flat foot??? “Hey doc, I really gotta go home. Yep – my damn flat foot is acting up again.” And hemorrhoids. How bad does a case of hemorrhoids have to be to require emergency airlift to Europe? I mean, this isn’t exactly the type of malady that sneaks up on you some lazy afternoon, right?

The “one size fits all” form includes assessments such as “So handicapped as to be a hazard to self or others”. Fortunately, that box wasn’t checked.

In the end, the Statement includes mention of an “intracardial tumor” and that I am “limited to moderate (not extreme) exertion”. Hopefully, this danger pay stuff doesn’t involve periodic sprints for the hills.

We’ll see how much pushback there is from the insurance underwriter on all of this. In the meantime, the government has made my flight reservations . . .