Who grabs their own butt?

I do. At least I did the morning before last when I was awakened by lightening. And although there was something about that grab that disturbed me, I had bigger issues to wrestle with at that moment, i.e., was my brain riddled with tumors? As we now know, that was a false alarm. About my brain, that is. But the jury’s still out regarding my butt. But before we delve into that issue, allow me to digress for a moment . . .

I initiated this blog as a convenient way to keep interested parties up-to-date on what’s going on. Okay, okay, my efforts weren’t totally altruistic – the blog was also intended to deflect phone calls and to avoid having to repeat myself 20 times a day. And I must say that it has accomplished those goals. But it has also proven to be surprisingly cathartic. It’s encouraged me to contemplate, process, and articulate my daily experiences and feelings, a useful exercise under any circumstances. And then to purge them out into the electronic cosmos, whereupon they have landed in your collective laps. Based on feedback I’ve been receiving, it appears that many of you graciously look forward to this daily process. So if this blog proves of use or interest to any of you, my dear friends and family, then that is indeed the icing on the cake.

But I have to make a decision as to whether this is a full disclosure process, or one of merely partial disclosure. Do I discuss what is on my mind, no matter how trivial or preliminary, or do I only post "on-topic", confirmed information? And how “confirmed” does a snippet of data have to be to qualify for inclusion? Virtually nothing I've discussed has been "confirmed". After mulling it over for a minute-and-a-half, I’ve decided to not withhold any information. This means that you may be subject to false highs and false lows, just as I am. So let’s all try to remember to not get too excited about good news, for it can be fleeting, and to not get too dejected about bad news because some of it is reversible, and some of it will be based on unproven speculation. Like the following . . .

One of the characteristics of myxoid liposarcomas is that they have a propensity for developing deep within the body, under large muscles. Making them hard to notice. That is why they are frequently large when finally detected. Tumor 2 (high hip/butt region on right side) was accidentally discovered in 2001 when I was putting on swim trunks. It seems that it only “popped out” when I was standing on my right leg, knee locked, bending forward, with my left foot lifted off the ground. Try THAT during a roadside sobriety test. And I just discovered this morning that I can now make a similar bulge appear on my LEFT side high hip/butt region by standing on my left leg, knee locked, bending forward, with my right foot lifted off the ground. Déjà vu all over again, but in mirror image. Hmmm . . . and that "kidney soreness" I've been experiencing is biased on the left side . . .

Now before we all get too excited about this, let’s bear in mind that I know nothing about the anatomy of gluteal muscles (except that I sure do know a good set when I see them). So the observed bulge when I contort myself into pretzel shape may be completely normal. Indeed, the reason I had an MRI performed in 2006 was that I thought I detected a bulge in the area in which Tumor 2 had been resected. And the MRI indicated that a tumor was not present. So with any luck, this latest concern will soon be relegated to the “false alarm” pile.

But I will call my primary care physician first thing Monday morning to arrange for an MRI as soon as possible. I had wanted to wait to see if a cardiac surgeon would order this test to rule out the existence of other tumors before cutting my heart open. But I no longer have the luxury of waiting.

If this turns out to be another tumor, and that’s a big IF at this point, then that changes everything. And nothing at all.