Champ’s bath.

Cec gave Champ his first bath in six years today. He goes almost as long between baths as I do between tumors.

He really dislikes getting wet, but there’s virtually nothing the carrot-and-stick combo of a tri-tip snack and a sturdy leash can’t accomplish. And the job got done.

His previous bath followed an encounter with a skunk. It involved being hosed down while surrounded by a gang of enthusiastic teenage boys. We didn’t have any tomato juice on hand (effective in cutting the skunk odor) but feeding a group of boys involves a pantry stocked with copious quantities of ketchup. And so to add insult to injury, the second phase of that bath entailed being squirted down with ketchup. Straight from the bottles. Several bottles simultaneously. A great time was had by all, with the notable exception of Champ.

And then, at the conclusion of that “bath” long ago, it came time for Phase 3: The Rinse Off. By this time he was aggressively uncooperative. His pack had turned on him and it was time for him to make a stand. But our neighbor Cody darted in from his blind side, scooped him up in his arms, and unceremoniously dumped him in the cattle trough. Much of the ketchup washed off of him as he struggled to climb out. And you could just see what was going through the cows’ minds the next time they visited the trough: “I could have had a V8!”

He’s been hit countless times by skunks since that long-ago day. But we haven’t done anything about it except allow it to mellow on him and contribute to his “hog-dog” funkiness.

Until today. A lot of history was washed away during that bath. And I’m pretty sure that the toxic mess that was left behind will kill a few plants. We briefly discussed bottling it and sending this new chemotherapy agent through my veins via an IV hookup. But I can’t afford to begin barking all night long – I really need the sleep.


Today’s bath was much more dignified. And this former charter member of the unwashed masses is now looking downright regal. A couple of new names have even been tossed about: “Champoo” and “Super Champ”. But when the funk returns, he’ll probably just be good ‘ol Champ again.